Author Archives: Maggie @ macarons & paperbacks

Jane Eyre Chapters I-XI

Posted in Novels, Septemb-Eyre by

As previously mentioned, I am participating in a Jane Eyre read-along this month, so for those of you who have not read at least the first 11 chapters of the novel, be prepared for some spoilers.

This is my first time reading Jane Eyre, and before I started I had absolutely no idea what it was about, and had only heard mixed reviews on whether I should like it or not. Typically I do enjoy Gothic literature, especially Gothic short stories (A Rose for Emily, The Cask of Amontillado, and The Lottery are just a few of my favorites), but I had always assumed that Charlotte Brontë’s novel would be similar to her sister Emily’s Wuthering Heights, which I have continued to like less and less since I read it almost 9 years ago, mainly because of how awful the characters are to one another.

And so when I finally started reading Jane Eyre last night, I was rather discouraged before I even reached the third chapter, and this can all be contributed to the horrid Reed family, who have probably succeeded in winning the “Quickest Character(s) to Earn My Undying Hatred” Award (move over, Dolores Umbridge).

But in all seriousness, John Reed MUST have been George R. R. Martin’s inspiration for Joffrey Baratheon. Consider this lovely (and somewhat lengthy) passage, which serves as our introduction to Jane’s malicious cousin:

     “What do you want?” I asked, with awkward diffidence.
“Say, ‘What do you want, Master Reed?'” was the answer. “I want you to come here;” and seating himself in an arm-chair, he intimated by a gesture that I was to approach and stand before him.
[…]
Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair: he spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike, and while dreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face; for, all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. I tottered, and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or two from his chair.
“That is for your impudence in answering mama awhile since,” said he, “and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains, and for the look you had in your eyes two minutes since, you rat!”
Accustomed to John Reed’s abuse, I never had an idea of replying to it; my care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow the insult.
“What were you doing behind the curtain?” he asked.
“I was reading.”
“Show the book.”
I returned to the window and fetched it thence.
“You have no business to take our books; you are a dependent, mama says; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg, and not to live here with gentlemen’s children like us, and eat the same meals we do, and wear clothes at our mama’s expense. Now, I’ll teach you to rummage my bookshelves: for they ARE mine; all the house belongs to me, or will do in a few years. Go and stand by the door, out of the way of the mirror and the windows.”
I did so, not at first aware what was his intention; but when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand in act to hurl it, I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm: not soon enough, however; the volume was flung, it hit me, and I fell, striking my head against the door and cutting it. The cut bled, the pain was sharp: my terror had passed its climax; other feelings succeeded.
“Wicked and cruel boy!” I said. “You are like a murderer–you are like a slave-driver–you are like the Roman emperors!”
[…]
“What! what!” he cried. “Did she say that to me? Did you hear her, Eliza and Georgiana? Won’t I tell mama?[…]”

This.

Fortunately, after reading through Chapter 11 I can safely say that the book has greatly improved, although some of the chapters did seem to drag on a bit. I did however love the goodbye scene between Jane and Helen Burns. It was so beautiful and emotion-filled. I love heart-wrenching stories like that. I know it’s pathetic, but those types of emotions always have a greater impact on me. I am sad to lose Helen as a character, though…she was so good and kind-hearted. I admired her forgiving spirit, and the fact that she never held a grudge ever. I know that if I had to pick between which of these girls I am most inclined to be like, it would without a doubt have to be Jane. I was pretty convicted in that regard. But through Helen and Jane’s relationship I was able to relate to our heroine and find a connection with her, which is an essential factor in me being able to like the novel. This is also why I classify myself as being a part of the minority of Austenites who love Fanny Price/Mansfield Park.

So I can truthfully say I am now eagerly looking forward to the rest of Miss Eyre’s story, as long as there are no more appearances from the Victorian Joffrey (and if there are, all of you who have already read Jane Eyre are encouraged to laugh pitifully at me).

But I really do love modern-classic crossovers, so here are two more little funny gems for you all:

Joffrey

“How to be a Turd” written by John Reed

Hamlet

Unrelated, but still amazing.

A Little Bit of This…A Little Bit of That

Posted in France, Work by

Ahh, nothing could have made my weekend start off better than a wonderful morning at work…which is exactly what I had today! I mentioned in my last post, but during September I am only working Saturday mornings and then I have some training during the week. So this morning I had my second “Very Early Learners” class and it was all about opposites. We had two extra boys today for a total of 5 children (all between 18-36 months), so it was a little hectic, what with 5 active and excited children, but overall it felt great, and I was even sad when the class ended (that’s a first for my new job!!)!

This past week has been really encouraging for me overall. Besides getting used to my new job, I have also been noticing an improvement in my French. I think the main reason for that is because my confidence has grown. I haven’t been afraid to speak with others, even if I am unsure of the vocabulary or grammar…I’ve just been trying anyways! This is a huge thing for me as a perfectionist, because I typically don’t try to speak if I don’t already know how to say things correctly. And this morning, as I was speaking with one of the parents, she assumed I was English instead of American, because Americans have really strong accents but mine isn’t so strong apparently! Seriously, any compliment I receive about my accent is the best compliment I could ever desire, and I never forget them, either. Last month at Connect, one of my German friends was trying to help me pronounce bunten Abend (“talent show”–my German-speaking readers will have to tell me if I spelled that wrong!), and she said I pronounced it like a French person! You can only imagine how ecstatic that made me! And now that I feel more confident about my French, I am making Matt speak to me only in French today (he really prefers to speak in English, but whenever he does I just say, “Non, je comprends pas…” Ha), and I love it! I love catching myself thinking in French or even accidentally replying to someone in French when they ask me a question in English. It shows that I’m advancing.

So yeah, life is good. God has blessed my husband and I, and our life here in France, and I am so very thankful for everything :) Yesterday I babysat my niece, and we took some pictures that I feel describe my emotions perfectly…

Titicollage

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Septemb-Eyre

Posted in Novels, Septemb-Eyre, The Classics Club by

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERALast month I participated in an online read-along for Mansfield Park. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to join another one this month for Jane Eyre, which I have never read before. This novel is also on my Classics Club list, so I figured that it would be more fun to read it with other bloggers than by myself. I actually don’t know much at all about the story and I have never seen any film adaptations. I have heard mixed reviews about this novel, but hopefully I end up enjoying it. And hopefully I am able to keep up with the weekly readings (I have to read the first 11 chapters for next week’s post)!

If any of you are also interested in reading along, here’s the link to sign up and here’s the link for the first week’s introductory postings.

The Low-Down on French Parties

Posted in France by

Yesterday Matt and I were at a surprise 30th birthday party for one of his longtime friends. Now, I have been living in France for a year and a half, and one thing I doubt I will ever get to used to about French culture is the fact that their parties, holiday meals, group gatherings, etc. last for hours. The problem I have with this is that most of that time is spent sitting at a table, and usually there are long waiting periods in-between courses (of which, there are 4-5: the aperitif, the main course, cheese, dessert, and coffee). I get restless very easily, so after 3+ hours sitting in the same seat, I become very agitated.

But this is part of French culture. Their culture is very strongly focused on their food, and it is quite normal and expected that when you go to someone’s house for a meal, or when you go to any type of party, you will be sitting, eating, and talking for hours on end. Americans do not do this. We are too fast-paced for this kind of lifestyle. This is why our culture is more focused on activities and shared experiences. All of our holidays involve eating, yes of course, but what else do we always do? We go places…we go see fireworks on the 4th of July, we go trick-or-treating for Halloween, we play football in-between our Thanksgiving Day courses, we go shopping or go to the movies during Christmas time. We never stay at the table from 1-7pm.

I love France. I love the more laid-back lifestyle and the adventuresome and travel-minded attitudes. I love the food! And I would love to one day even enjoy their table-dwelling parties and mealtimes. But right now, I prefer American celebrations, and that’s ok in my opinion since I am, you know, American.

And one last thing–I had a wonderful time at the party we went to yesterday, and that is probably because it was outside and we were free to get up and walk around! Plus we were able to catch up with some other friends whom we haven’t seen in a while. But I can definitely see myself slowly growing more accustomed to the “French way”, and that makes me very happy :)

(And another aside–French wedding receptions are much much more enjoyable, because there are plenty of games and activities throughout the night. I would even go so far as to say that they are probably a lot more fun than American weddings in that regard. I had an absolute blast at our French reception and at the only other French wedding I have attended. I just don’t want anyone to think that I find French parties, meals, celebrations, etc. to be awful because that couldn’t be further from the truth–I am just describing a part of the culture that is hard for me to adapt to. Ok, end of disclaimer!)

photo

Matt and I at a friend’s birthday party yesterday.

Mansfield Park Part 3

Posted in Austen in August, Book Reviews, Classics, Novels, The Classics Club by

Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
Published July 1814 by Thomas Egerton
Classic/Drama/Romance
Format: e-book; 502 pages
Also From This Author: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Northanger Abbey, Persuasion
Goodreads | Amazon
My Rating: 4/5

Here is the last group of questions from the Mansfield Park read-along that I have been participating in. I mentioned this in my previous post, but I loved the novel and really connected with Fanny Price (shocking, I know). I completely understand if no one understands my reasoning, but I’m glad I enjoyed it so much; I would hate to dislike an Austen novel.

Mansfield Park Discussion Questions (Chapters 32-48)

  • Please, please discuss the entire Henry Crawford fiasco. Anything that you most want to discuss – his falling for Fanny, his proposal and her refusal, the reactions of those around them, etc. Consider also: Fanny in Portsmouth, Henry in Portsmouth, and Fanny’s steadfast refusal, and the return to Mansfield. Lots to discuss with this one! Wow. I felt so awkward and sympathetic for Henry. A big part of me wanted Fanny to give him a chance!! He starts off as a much more interesting character than Edmund, but later on he started getting creepy…especially when he just showed up in Portsmouth. Awk-ward. And also that one scene at Mansfield Park when he keeps badgering Fanny to tell him what she was thinking: I wanted to shout “Back off, man!” Seriously, some men cannot take a hint.
  • Perhaps one of the biggest points of contention for readers of Mansfield Park is the Crawfords. Though Fanny may look like a prig beside them, they are the only ones throughout the novel to truly appreciate her and praise her. Do you feel their esteem is genuine? Why do you think no one else appreciates Fanny for most of the story? And do you think the esteem which some characters show her in the end will last? I disagree that the Crawfords are the only ones who appreciate Fanny. I do believe that Edmund appreciates and praises her, too. And you can tell by the end of the novel that her aunt and uncle Bertram have grown to appreciate her as well. That being said, I do not believe the Crawford’s esteem is genuine because it is not reflected in their actions. After Mary moves away she hardly writes Fanny (not that Fanny is upset by that), and this describes an “out of sight, out of mind” attitude. Plus, Mary’s motive for spending time with Fanny is usually so that she can talk about or garner information about Edmund. Not exactly genuine. Henry, on the other hand, seems more sincere for the most part. He fails in his lack of humility. He does not let his actions speak for himself. If you compare him with Austen’s other heroes, for example Mr. Darcy, Colonel Brandon, and Captain Wentworth*, we see that they act behind the scenes and it is not until later that the corresponding heroines discover their true and praise-worthy characters. Perhaps if Henry had done something truly selfless and it was revealed to Fanny through a person other than himself, then maybe she would have considered his esteem as genuine (and maybe even considered him as a suitor).
  • Mansfield Park as a story wouldn’t exist without the actions and marriages of the original three sisters (now Lady Bertram, Mrs Norris and Mrs Price, respectively); each are very different in character, and each have made very different matches, setting the tone for everything that follows. What do you think of these three women and who they’ve become? Do you see any similarities between them – a free-spirit who marries imprudently, an emotionally-stoic, proper woman who marries very well, and a bitter, interfering curmudgeon who marries well enough – and other Austen characters? How do you imagine these three have changed over the course of their lives? And how did their story play out over the course of this book? I feel that Austen’s usual motifs of sense and reason are portrayed here as well. The only one of these sisters who ends off “well” would be Lady Bertram. Obviously she is not an ideal character; she is lazy and generally naive to what is going on around her. However, she is the only sister who undergoes a change during the course of the novel. By the end she has come to view Fanny as an actual family member, and even more, as her daughter. My optimism is determined to believe that the Bertrams (aside from Maria) all go on to have happy lives.
  • One of the things we’ve talked about quite a bit this Austen in August is the idea that Mansfield Park is much less a love story, less a story of romance, than people would generally have you believe. What do you think of this? Do you find it a solid romance, or do you think that’s merely a surface story, with a much deeper shadow story playing underneath? I absolutely agree that it is not a romance. If you are looking for a novel like Pride and Prejudice (which I happened to finish right before reading MP but thankfully I jumped into it already knowing what I was getting into), then you will be sorely and unfortunately disappointed. It is NOT a love story. In fact, the focus of the novel is not intended to be on Fanny and Edmund’s relationship whatsoever. I believe Austen uses this novel more than any other as a critique, and her opinions on life and society can clearly be traced through Fanny’s character development and the strong contrasts between Fanny and the other characters. I read that the psychological “Nature vs. Nurture” debate was active during Austen’s lifetime, and there are many instances in the book that reflect a pro-nurture attitude. There is even one point in the novel where I believe Edmund states that Mary would have turned out better had she been raised differently (“they continued to talk of Miss Crawford alone, and how she had attached him, and how delightful nature had made her, and how excellent she would have been, had she fallen into good hands earlier,” Chapter 47). And even though Fanny comes from a more “savage” gene pool, she is given a proper upbringing where she is denied luxuries and indulgences while her cousins are spoiled and never discouraged in their selfish indulgences. And in the end Fanny is proved to be the better mannered and more valued character while her cousins are ruined and scandalized. 
  • Now that we’ve read Mansfield Park in its entirety, are there any characters or aspects of the book that are generally disliked, which you’d like to defend? How do you feel about the respective marriages/pairings/endings for everyone? Is there anything you’d change, if you could? I really wish that Julia had not eloped with Mr. Yates. I wish she would have been more sensible in that regard. I would have liked for her to have been redeemed from her original character at the start of the novel. But other than that, I loved the novel and how everything turned out, even Fanny ending up with Edmund. Sometimes love takes years to bloom. Fanny loved Edmund since she practically arrived at Mansfield Park, yet Edmund needed more time than that. This is what makes the novel realistic, because not every relationship is a fairy tale.
  • If you’ve read other Austen novels, how do you think Mansfield Park compares or contrasts to the rest of Austen’s work? (class mobility, likeability, class represented, tensions, etc. compatibility of romance, ending, etc.) I believe it is very similar to Austen’s other works, but perhaps it is “more strongly concentrated”. It cuts out the swoon-worthy romance and intensifies the themes and commentaries.
  • If you’ve seen any of the movie adaptations, what do you make of them? Mansfield Park adaptations are notorious for making massive changes, especially to the character of Fanny (to make her more “likable,” more feisty, to connect more with a modern audience); do you think this is necessary? Does making Fanny more “feisty” lessen the impact of the story? I have only seen the 2007 adaptation, which I did enjoy despite the changes. I mentioned in my last post how the trailer from the 1999 adaptation describes Fanny as “spirited”. That poor-description has turned me off from even giving that adaptation a chance.
  • Is there anything else you’d like to discuss from Volume Three, or the novel as a whole? Yes! A couple of things. Firstly, I appreciated how the ongoing references to the play reminded the reader that many of the characters are acting. Unfortunately for Edmund, Mr. Rushworth, and Maria, they are respectfully deceived by Mary Crawford, Maria, and Henry Crawford. Fanny is cleverly able to see through Henry’s disguise, and she keeps control of her feelings so as not to fall victim to his flirtatious nature. Secondly, I loved how Jane Austen wrote the last chapter from her own point-of-view. It gave me shivers to hear her say “my Fanny”. I felt very connected to Austen during that last chapter, almost as if I was listening to her read the book aloud.

*to clarify, I mean Mr. Darcy’s dealings with Mr. Wickham, Colonel Brandon’s with John Willoughby, and Captain Wentworth’s secretive affections towards Anne (when he asks his sister and brother-in-law to drive her home and also when he has that message delivered to her just after Louisa’s accident. That showed a consideration for her being kept in the loop).

Mansfield Park Part 2

Posted in Austen in August, Novels, The Classics Club by

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am currently following along with an “Austen in August” online event by participating in a Mansfield Park read-along. I finished reading MP a week ago, but I’ve had to wait for the second group of questions to be posted (and also, I was swamped from work this week so I was only able to look at the questions today). For anyone who hasn’t read past Volume 2 of MP, I won’t write any spoilers in my answers. I will only say that I really enjoyed the novel as a whole, including Fanny Price, despite the fact that most people strongly dislike both.

Mansfield Park Discussion Questions (Chapters 19-31)

    • What do you make of Sir Bertram’s treatment of Fanny when he returns home? Consider this passage:

      “[Sir Thomas,] on perceiving her, came forward with a kindness which astonished and penetrated her, calling her his dear Fanny, kissing her affectionately, and observing with decided pleasure how much she was grown! Fanny knew not how to feel, nor where to look. She was quite oppressed. He had never been so kind, so very kind to her in his life. His manner seemed changed, his voice was quick from the agitation of joy; and all that had been awful in his dignity seemed lost in tenderness.”

        What do you make of Sir Thomas’ completely new treatment of Fanny? Does it make you reconsider their relationship, or Sir Thomas as a character?

Honestly this chapter brought tears to my eyes. I thought Sir Thomas’s treatment towards Fanny was very kind and fatherly. Up until this point I had felt very sympathetic towards Fanny because her family is so cruel to her, but finally someone besides Edmund treats her with kindness.

  • Considering this same question from another angle, let’s talk a bit about Fanny’s age and status. In Vol 2, multiple characters notice how much Fanny has “improved” in looks, and Henry even states that she’s grown at least 2 inches since the Crawfords met her, less than a year ago. It’s easy to forget, but Fanny is only 16 at the arrival of the Crawfords, and 17 by novel’s end; how does this color your interpretation of the events of the book thus far? Does your opinion of Fanny, or others treatment of her, change with her age taken into account? Yes and no. Fanny seems very grown up already, mainly because she’s treated like a servant in her relatives’ home. However, when you compare her age to those of Elizabeth Bennet, Anne Elliot, Elinor Dashwood, you realize that Fanny is really young. 
  • We often discuss Fanny as a very passive character, but in some parts of the novel, and especially in part 2, we begin to see another side of Fanny. Through some of her more unguarded conversations with Edmund, and through her own inner-monologues, especially when speaking with Henry Crawford, we see that a different, strongly opinionated Fanny is buried under the surface. Discuss that motif as a whole: the public and private sides of characters, how it plays into decorum and propriety, and our overall impressions of the characters and the novels. Do you wish Fanny would say the things she thinks? How would the novel change if she did so? I actually understand why Fanny guards her opinions, especially when it comes to desires and needs. Perhaps she doesn’t want to be a burden, and I can completely relate to that. I sometimes feel stressed when people go out of their way to help me, and I even find myself just “going with the flow” instead of speaking up for what I truly want. Can that be annoying? Yes. However, I feel that in Mansfield Park there is a strong contrast between Fanny and the other female characters, who aren’t afraid to speak their mind and who even do so without any discretion. 
  • In this Volume, Henry Crawford tells his sister that he intends to make Fanny fall in love with him, that he “cannot be satisfied…without making a small hole in Fanny Price’s heart.” Discuss your reaction to this, given not only the story so far, but also Fanny’s age, character, and status (near as the reader can tell, she’s not “out” in society yet, though she does mix with the company of her family, putting her in a strange state of limbo). Up until this point in the novel I hardly had any problems with Henry Crawford. Obviously he’s a flirt and he doesn’t really respect women (in the sense that he’s not concerned with damaging their reputations), yet he is likable and it’s nice to see Fanny receiving some attention, even if it’s not necessarily for the right reasons.
  • Further, in Henry’s efforts to make Fanny fall for him, he seems to get caught in his own snare and falls for Fanny. What do you make of this turn of events? Do you believe Henry’s affections for Fanny are real?  And what do you make of Mary’s assessment of a relationship between her brother and Fanny:

    “The gentleness and gratitude of her disposition would secure her all your own immediately. From my soul I do not think she would marry you without love; that is, if there is a girl in the world capable of being uninfluenced by ambition, I can suppose it her; but ask her to love you, and she will never have the heart to refuse.”

    I feel that neither Mary nor her brother understand Fanny whatsoever. They view her as a girl without any mind of her own. The fact that Henry sets out to make Fanny fall in love with him is one thing: he does it out of boredom and to boost his own ego. Yet Mary believing that Fanny will have no objections to falling in love with her brother is pure blindness. Fanny is the essence of reason: she is full of sense and never does anything that goes against propriety and sound judgement. So why on earth would she so easily fall in love with someone whom Mary herself describes as “the most horrible flirt that can be imagined” (Chapter 4)? So Henry falling for Fanny becomes inevitable because his ego does not know how to react to her indifference. Are his feelings real, however? Maybe in some ways, yes. He doesn’t undo all the benevolent work he did in regards to William Price’s advancement in the navy, and I was truly expecting him to react angrily due to rejection (and 1 Corinthians 13 kept going through my mind: “[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…”). But some of his actions later on reveal less of a lover and more of a stalker.

  • Anything else you’d like to discuss from Volume Two? Yes! I have never seen the 1999 version of Mansfield Park, but when I watched the trailer I literally snorted out loud when the narrator called Fanny Price a “spirited heroine”!!! Honestly? Is that adaptation really that far off from the novel? 

My first week is over!

Posted in Work by

Ahh. It’s Saturday, and that means that I have no more classes or tutoring sessions to prepare for a while. I can just sit here and read (I haven’t picked up a book/my Kindle since Sunday!) or watch Star Trek: Into Darkness over and over again (I am not ashamed. That movie is amazing). Basically, IT’S THE WEEKEND! And I haven’t looked forward to the weekend like this since my college days.

This week ended quite well, especially considering how stressful it started out. The day after my last post I had an absolutely wonderful morning: I talked to that one boy’s father and he behaved almost perfectly the rest of the week, I felt more confident in my teaching abilities, and I was able to connect more easily with the children after having gotten to know them better. And the BEST part was seeing their improvement along the way! I had one little boy who wouldn’t even say his own name to me, and by Thursday he was playing in our games, saying please & thank you, and even telling me how old he is (all in English, of course)! And the teenager I tutored? He was great the entire week, and I can definitely tell he had fun with the games we played and the conversations we had.

Then this morning I had my first “Very Early Learners” class, where there were two 3 year olds. I will be doing this class for the next four Saturdays, but it’s technically training for me. I was extremely nervous this morning, mainly because the parents stayed with their children and we had to communicate with them in French about our pedagogy, trying to reassure them if the children didn’t start speaking in English right away. Fortunately my “trainer”/co-worker took over that part and she helped me along during the session so I wasn’t completely alone.

So all-in-all I had a decent week. The important thing is that it ended well, and this month I will only be doing the toddler class along with some training to help me during the regular school year. I will also be figuring out which classes/ages I will be teaching and the good thing is that it won’t be everyday. Even though I won’t make as much as I did this week, I will be exponentially less stressed, and that’s what’s more important to me. I want to enjoy my job and have fun with the children. I don’t want to be up to my elbows in preparation materials every single night, cutting out lady bug hats and listening to 5 different hello songs until midnight. Just the fact that I couldn’t even open a book this week speaks volumes: I read every day! So yes, I’m quite looking forward to more of a part-time schedule; my job is, after all, only part-time.

On Friday I was speaking with one of my other newly hired co-workers, and her week was similar to mine, only it didn’t end well. She’s not going to teach any group classes this school year and she seemed very upset in general over her class this past week. Me and another teacher tried to encourage her, though, because there will always be those hard classes where it’s difficult to keep order. I’m so thankful for my “revelations” earlier this week. This class started out as a trial for me, but I stayed optimistic and I really feel that I’ve learned a lot about myself and about teaching. I’m not necessarily looking forward to difficult classes in the future, but I am looking forward to seeing children learn and use their English. That’s always a joyful experience :)

Work is hard!!

Posted in Work by

Work is hard. Very hard. This time last week I was in a completely different mindset about my new teaching job. But now, halfway through my first week, I have come to develop so much respect for all of the teachers I had growing up. I would like to take a moment to publicly apologize (although they’re probably not even reading this) to any teacher I didn’t listen to, wasn’t nice to, or generally gave a hard time to…I now know just how hard being a teacher can be.

With that said…let me tell you all how the beginning half of my first week has gone!

Monday morning I was all excited when I got to work early. I finished preparing some last-minute details, I reviewed my notes one last time, and I tried to be as friendly and engaging as possible when my little kiddos arrived. Two hours later as I left to grab some lunch before my tutoring session, my back ached, my head was pounding, and all the positive energy I had been accumulating over the last month had completely run out. Spending two hours with ten 3, 4, and 6 year olds is EXHAUSTING. And for me it has also been disheartening and discouraging. Why is that? Well, besides the typical issues such as the children not staying focused or talking too much, there is this one little boy who is determined to push every single one of my buttons. And for any of my fellow teacher-friends, any advice or encouragement you can give me would be enthusiastically welcomed!

This little boy is super intelligent: he knows all the colors and numbers we’ve been learning, he catches on to instructions and games right away, and he generally doesn’t have a problem participating in activities. However, he has a major attitude problem and he finishes or loses interest in activities after 5-10 minutes. And if it didn’t affect or influence the other children, I wouldn’t have been so distressed about it, but when he becomes bored he goes around and messes with the other children or encourages them to goof off as well.

Anyway…last night by the time I got home (which was late…but more on that later) I was physically and emotionally drained and I was barely in the house for 15 minutes before I just broke down completely. I was so looking forward to my new job and after two days I was more exhausted from teaching for 4 hours a day than I was during most of my college exam weeks.

Originally I had planned on writing a post about how great my first day was (clearly I had this idea before starting work on Monday), but I was determined to have something positive to write about (yay for optimism!), and here it is:

During my breakdown last night, I was completely alone because Matt was at a meeting, and I really really needed some comforting so of course I start praying for God to give me any words or Scriptures to help me. Almost immediately I was reminded of James chapter 1, which is my favorite passage in the Bible (how did I forget it about it so easily!?):

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Maybe it’s because my relationship with God was first founded on this passage, but after reading this last night and meditating on it all day, I feel LOADS better (Thank You, God!).

So I have officially made it “over the hump” and I am completely confident (or adamant) that these last two days will end well. And then you can bet that this weekend I will be celebrating! Ok, maybe I’ll just go shopping and read an entire novel while lounging with my dog, but still…you get the idea ;)

I am employed!

Posted in France by

Hello readers! I have been keeping a “secret” from most of you…at least a secret from the online world. Last month I heard of an organization in France called Les Petits Bilingues, an English school for children of all ages. It’s independent from the normal school system, although it does correspond with the school year and vacation times, and they also provide small group and one-on-one tutoring. The great thing (for me) about this place is that they only hire native English speakers. The awesome thing about this place is that they recently opened a center 5 minutes from our apartment! When I found this out I contacted them right away asking if there were any job openings, and within an hour or two I had revamped and sent over my resumé/CV and got an interview scheduled for that week!

Ok, let me just state that I had never considered teaching as a career option, not even in English or English Lit (my major). Teaching children, especially teenagers, is scary. And I, being a doubter, always ask myself these questions, “What if they ask a question that I don’t know the answer to?” “What if I can’t connect with them?” “What if…” What if, what if, what if. When I applied for this job, all those what if’s starting attacking me, but even though I had no experience in teaching English, I still stayed confident. I relied so much on summer daycare working experience I made in high school (seriously…never imagined having to put “Organized and oversaw snack time” on my resumé), and was incredibly relieved when the directrice asked me to come in a couple of days to shadow the different classes.

And I loved it! The first day I was with a group of about eight 4-6 year olds (my favorite!) and after the class ended I was in such high spirits and filled with the excitement of doing that everyday. The next day I was with a small group of 8-9 year olds, and there wasn’t much for me to do other than observe, but still, it was a good day. And after that, I talked with the directrice again, she drew up a contract for me (yay for French paperwork!), and just like that I got the job!

But because it is currently vacation time, I had a whole month off before starting and my official first day of teaching my own class is THIS coming Monday!!! Ready for the details?

  • I work Monday-Saturday, 10am-12pm
  • …with a group of TEN 4 & 6 year olds!
  • It’s still a vacation week, so I’ll be teaching the same curriculum as the other class I shadowed last month
  • And after this week my hours will change again: I’ll do some more training before the offical “rentrée” (Back to School time!) at the end of September.

Sounds pretty great, right?? I am slightly nervous, especially after having a semi-nightmare last night that I showed up to work with NOTHING prepared and got scolded by my boss… BUT, God is good, and He blessed me with this job, so I know He’ll continue to help me with it :)

Oh, and my boss also asked if I could do a one-on-one tutoring session with a 15 year old boy (YIKES!) Monday-Friday afternoon this week as well. But I think that’ll go just fine…she told me to focus on things he likes (like sports), and basically just talk about a specific country (like America), and bring some videos, magazines, card games, etc. Not too bad! I’ll have to follow up on this after next week!

Carte de Séjour & God’s Faithfulness!

Posted in Faith, France by

This is a post about God’s faithfulness. It’s also a post about how stressful living in a foreign country can be, but mostly it’s about how God really shows you when He wants you somewhere.

Most of you reading this probably do not know all about how I came to live in France. Long story short: my husband is French, and when we got engaged we kind of procrastinated on the fiancé visa, therefore we had to come up with other alternatives on how to legally get married. Moving to France a month after our wedding was actually the most practical and flexible way to go, since Matt could work and we would both be able to travel internationally. Fast-forward a year later to this past May: Matt has been approved for his green card and we are finishing up paperwork for that, he has a job he loves, I am much more adapted to living in France and, although I am by no means bilingual, I can now speak and understand a decent amount of French, and we enjoy spending time with our family and friends here. However, in June my visa was due to expire and I discovered two weeks in advance that I should have gone to renew it/apply for my carte de séjour three months before the expiration date! (Aside: a carte de séjour is the equivalent to an American green card) This was because I foolishly expected OFFI, the immigration organization I had been contacted by when I first moved here, to contact me again about it. But no, I now needed to get myself to the Prefecture ASAP, and for you Americans who are unfamiliar with the Prefecture, it is the DMV on steroids (you go there for identification cards and driver’s licenses, because they are not the same here, car-paperwork, green cards, work permits, basically anything related to immigration, and I even think associations have to register at the Prefecture as well). Imagine that your local DMV looks like The New York Stock Exchange on the inside, with people everywhere, numbers being announced on screens and intercoms, babies crying, you get the idea… (I kid, I kid…that’s just a little Dark Knight Rises humor for ya).

Anyway, after I realized the gravity of my situation, I panicked. I have never been one to react calmly in dire situations: I either avoid dealing with it, or I panic. However, over the past 5 or so years God has really been helping me to trust Him instead of panicking, and so, after my initial 10-second breakdown, I immediately had the urge to pray. And for the next three days I prayed HARD. I found all this out on a Monday, and we couldn’t go to the Prefecture until Thursday, so I had three days to either worry myself into developing an ulcer, or to fervently pray, fast, and seek God. And let me just say, for anyone with doubts: never underestimate the power of prayer. The Bible says:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.” – Philippians 4:6-7

By the end of that Monday, I had already begun to feel this supernatural peace over myself and my visa situation. I had confidence in that fact that, no matter what happened, whether I was able to renew my visa or not, that God’s will would be done, and that’s what I prayed for. I could have simply prayed out, “God, PLEASE allow me to get my carte de séjour!” but I wanted more than that. I prayed, “God, if it is YOUR WILL (remember Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane? “Not as I will, but as You will.”), please allow me to get my carte de séjour…” And from that moment on I knew God was there no matter what the outcome.

Before I get back to what happened at the Prefecture on that Black Thursday (Ok, ok, that’s my last Stock Exchange joke), I have to say something about fasting, because I didn’t just pray unceasingly that week, I also fasted. Last semester during one of our Remix meetings (Remix is the student ministry we are involved with here in Grenoble), we discussed fasting. I came to understand that it is not depriving ourselves of things to please God, but it’s an act of expressing to God that we want Him more than anything else. And I just love that image, and so I fasted that week to express to God that, above all else, I wanted His will to be done, even if that meant I would have to go back to the U.S.

And I should tell you the list of things I prayed for before I went (and even during my visit) to the Prefecture:

  • That I would be able to receive my carte de sejour
  • That I would have all of the documents I needed
  • That I would at least be seen by someone (I read that in Paris, you can wait all day and not even be seen before closing time)
  • That the employees would be friendly, helpful, and compassionate (people with prior experience at the Prefecture or even the DMV, feel free to laugh)
  • That I would not have to pay any extra fees for being late
  • That Matt would be able to return to work in the afternoon (he only took half a day off, and he still had things to get done for a meeting the following day)
  • That my sister-in-law would be able to find someone to watch my niece for me while I was still waiting (I babysit her two afternoons a week, while her parents are at work)
  • That we would not get a parking ticket (because our meter expired ~20 minutes before we left)

So we arrived at the Prefecture at 9:15am, just fifteen minutes after opening time, and we were already #44 in line. I brought a book to keep me entertained during the wait, but all I could really do was look around and continue to pray for everything to go smoothly. Finally, after 5 long hours, we were seen, and let me spoil everything for you readers by saying that EVERYTHING ON MY PRAYER LIST WAS ANSWERED. EVERYTHING.

The agent who met with us was very friendly (what!?), and even compassionate because–and here’s the most amazing part of the story–although we were missing a couple of proofs of residency, she let us mail them to her after our visit. When does something like that ever happen? When can you go to the DMV, not having adequate proof of residency, and STILL get your driver’s license? I did not have to pay any extra fees, I was not declared to be a “situation irrégulière” (which could cause problems if/when I want to become a dual citizen)…I was given my récépissé (basically a temporary card that lasts for 3 months) and told I might have to come back and get it renewed if my actual carte de sejour does not arrive in time.

And on top of all that amazing news, my sister-in-law was able to find someone to cover babysitting for me (because if not, I guess she would have had to miss work or we would have had to leave the Prefecture early?), Matt did get to work later than he wished, but it turns out he didn’t have much to do after all, AND, although our parking meter had expired nearly half an hour before we left the Prefecture, there was no ticket (although there was an ad for a florist stuck in the wipers that nearly gave me a heart attack).

This all happened at the end of May, and yesterday I went back to renew my récépissé and it turns out that my actual card was ready and I only had to wait 45 minutes to pick it up and pay the 106€ fee (which is still cheaper than the American green card fees we’re paying for Matt)!

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Finally! I no longer have to carry my passport around! AND, it’s much smaller than a regular French ID card as well! Much more practical.

And what did I learn from all of this? That God is faithful. That He provides. That if He wants you to be somewhere (like France), He will make it happen (by bestowing upon you more than enough grace). That there is NO prayer request too little, too insignificant, too impossible that He will not hear. That prayer and fasting are powerful, and they deepen our relationship with God. That the French system is not as scary and unforgiving as the internet will have you believe. And lastly, I finally realized that God wants us here in France, and although we were planning on being  back in the States by Christmastime, I think we’ll be holding off on that for a little while :)

So there you have it. I know this was long, but I hope it was entertaining and inspiring enough. And for anyone who is in the process of getting their own carte de séjour, please feel free to ask me any questions about my experience, or even for my advice (but definitely do things a lot sooner than I did!).