Where I’ve Been

It has been nearly 3 months since my last post and I’m finally ready to explain where the heck I’ve been lately. Prepare yourself for some not so fun stories, but I will start and finish this post off with happy things, don’t worry!

Since I don’t think I ever posted a wrap-up post from February, I never got the chance to squeal about some of the big, exciting things that happened for me and my husband at the beginning of the year, so let me just do that real quickly right now:

  • My husband was offered a job in Wilmington, NC which he took! He’s been working now for 5 months and he really enjoys it.
  • We officially relocated from Maryland to North Carolina at the end of March and we love it here! We’ve made so many friends and are almost finished settling into our place (this month I’ve been restoring and repainting furniture and I’m hoping to unpack the last few boxes in the coming weeks).

And the biggest news of all is:

  • We are expecting our first child!

    Mother's Day

    Family photo back from Mother’s Day. Matt thinks he looks goofy here but I think he looks like a proud Papa :)

  • And…

    It's a Boy

    Little Baby French Fry is due on October 26!

I am officially 21 weeks along today, and I am finally enjoying the “honeymoon phase” of pregnancy. After my first trimester I was beginning to lose hope that I would enjoy anything about being pregnant, and that’s all thanks to those lovely hormones that give some women morning sickness and others, like me, an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I was never diagnosed, but I can tell you that I had early pregnancy depression and it turned my world completely upside down. (Yes, here come those not so fun stories I warned you about)

We had been trying to conceive for roughly two years, but earlier this year we weren’t actively trying due to Matt’s new job and our impending move. So it came as a big surprise (and for me I was in disbelief for a while) when the tests came back positive. WE’RE HAVING A BABY! Of course we were both happy, but a few days later I started feeling worried; Was this the best time? Would we be financially secure? What if I couldn’t find a new job when we moved? Would I be a good mom? Why am I not happier?

These thoughts plagued us both for the first month, but while my husband handled his stress by working hard and solving all our housing problems, I tried as hard as I could to feel happier and more positive but to no avail. All of the normal things I loved to do suddenly turned me off. Reading made me nauseous, I had no desire to write anything for my blog and I even avoided social media (and not for good reasons), and I gave up my attempts to finish my 25 Things list because I no longer cared about anything.

Finally, after a few weeks, I told my husband about how I was feeling because the last thing I wanted to do was isolate myself with those dark feelings. He was nothing but supportive and encouraging. He reassured me that this was all hormone-related and that eventually I would feel like myself again. Honestly, I only believed him half the time, but I would try every now and then to pick up a book or watch one of my favorite TV shows or crochet, and if I couldn’t do it, I tried not to focus on any repercussions (i.e. not updating my blog for months or finishing my 25 Things list before my birthday).

It was really hard. People asked me regularly what I was reading lately or why my blog was so silent, and I hated telling them, “My pregnancy hormones are making me depressed,” because shouldn’t I be happy about having a baby? I wish someone had told me that it’s not uncommon to feel depressed during pregnancy. At least that would have made me feel less ashamed.

But long story short, eventually I did find myself again. After going from reading a book a week to not reading a book for over two months, I finally picked something up and finished it. My husband was happy the old me was back, but he was never once negative or pessimistic about what I had been going through; he was constantly supportive and there for me, even when he was living in NC and I was still up in Maryland. I will be forever grateful to have him as my husband, and I know he’s going to be a great father to our little boy :)

So now I’m finally ready to return to the world of blogging. I won’t be posting as often as I used to, but I will try to post twice a week. I even have a Top Ten Tuesday post lined up for tomorrow!!

Thank you to all of you who read this post or who have encouraged and congratulated me over the past couple of months. I really have missed the friends I’ve made through blogging, and I’m sorry I disappeared but I’m very much looking forward to posting, reading my favorite blogs, and participating in blogosphere events again!

<3 Maggie

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35 thoughts on “Where I’ve Been

  1. Congratulations again! I’m so excited for you and I know you’ll be a great mom. So sorry to hear about your struggles, though – pregnancy hormones are intense and unpredictable. I’m glad you’re feeling more like yourself again. Every pregnancy is different and we all have our journeys – I didn’t feel down during pregnancy, but I did struggle postpartum with my first. Hugs to you, and let me know if you ever want to talk. xoxo

  2. Maggie! I am so happy that you wrote this post and shared your story. You are so brave to be so open with the world, I love you for that. Matt has always been so supportive and I am so excited to watch your family grow and see what God has in store for you guys.
    xoxo.

  3. Maggie, thank you for being so honest! As I read your post, I could just feel that so many ladies out there who are struggling with the same thing will be positively impacted by your words! I’m so glad that you shared! I never dealt with depression during pregnancy (just the constant “is he okay in there?” anxiety). I did have some post-partum blues, and it DOES tend to feel endless, like nothing will ever change (even though it does! It always gets better!). It’s so important to reach out to other people going through the same thing!

  4. Welcome back! I missed reading your posts, but so happy to hear the wonderful news about your baby and that you took the time to work out your feelings until you were in a better place to come back to books and blogging. I agree it’s good to keep communicating with Matt and your friends and family. Do you know any other pregnant women? You could look up groups on meetup.com or through your public health network. It might be helpful to get to know other pregnant women to discuss your feelings and any questions that come up.

    • Thanks! It’s great to be back too :) Thank you for the recommendations! I have a few mommy friends here in town I’ve been connecting with lately, but I’ve also had several long-distance and online friends who have reached out to me too, which is so encouraging.

  5. Congratulations! And thanks for your willingness to share! I think I am one of the few women on Earth (particularly among happily married women who would like to have kids) who is actually really scared of being pregnant! Just the possibility makes me so anxious! But surprisingly your post didn’t depress me, because you said while you did feel down, it’s better now, and I find that encouraging! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly! :)

    • I used to be scared of becoming pregnant, too (mainly because of the delivery)! But for some reason now that it’s a reality I’m too excited to meet our baby to focus on the scary stuff. But regarding the depression, it was really hard but eventually it did end and it feels so nice to be back to normal. And now I know what to look out for if I develop post partum depression later.

  6. I’m so happy to hear your news! I had to ignore my blog through most of my pregnancy. Baby brain meant I couldn’t even concentrate on ONE page of a novel. I read about 4 books a month and read only 1.5 during my whole pregnancy! Much to my surprise I started reading again when my son was, maybe, 4 weeks old???? My main challenge was then not falling asleep. So don’t worry, it will all come back! 😉

  7. I just thought a couple of days ago, “I wonder why Maggie hasn’t blogged for a while?” I knew you had been getting ready to move, so I chalked the silence up to that. I’m so excited that you’re having a baby!

    However, I very much relate to your first trimester depression. With my third baby, I was very stressed out by where we were living, trying to get ready to move, and on and on. My hormones swung way more out of whack than they had the first two times around, and I fluctuated between rage and listlessness for the first three months. I was not a good mama to the two kids I already had, which made me even more angry with myself. I wish I’d realized how deep I’d sunk and asked for some advice or meds or any kind of help, but it wasn’t until I pulled back out of it in the second trimester that I looked back and saw how horrible I had been.

    SO! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Not all of pregnancy is that awful, as you’re learning. Do seek help if you start having those feelings again. Ask your husband to keep an eye on you, and if he thinks you’re getting depressed again, especially after you have the baby, he may need to help you find help.

    Anyway! I don’t know if you’re considering breastfeeding, but I have never chowed through books in my life the way I do during the first six months of each of my baby’s lives. When they’re breast-fed only, I have a legitimate need to sit down every couple hours, or more often depending on the baby, and once you get the hang of nursing, it’s easypeasy to hold a book while doing it. (Some people try to guilt-trip nursing moms into doing nothing at all while they nurse because they’re supposed to be bonding with their baby, and if your baby is in day care, that becomes much more important, I agree. But if you stay at home, you get plenty of baby bonding, especially with that first one. More than you really want after a while.)

    • Thank you for sharing that! I’ve definitely let my husband and my mom know to keep an eye on me after the baby comes, and I’m hoping that preparing myself now helps keep the depression away. But if it doesn’t, at least I know it’s normal to feel that way & that the lowness will dissipate in time.

      And yes! I am looking forward to breast feeding and reading :) I’ll probably alternate between books and binge watching Netflix ;)

  8. Hey Maggie, it was great seeing you guys on Saturday. Thank you for sharing your journey with depression, it is very brave of you, and it is eye-opening for me. I had never heard of pregnancy depression, though of course it makes sense with the hormones and if postpartum depression exists then antepartum depression should too, and now if Emily or anyone else I know experiences this I will be able to help assure them it is normal. Depression in any form is still an under-discussed issue, so thank you for helping shed more light on it.

  9. So glad to have you back! Congrats again and thanks for sharing your journey thus far. I’ll be praying its smooth sailing the rest of the way for you! I’m sure you have LOTS going on as you get ready for Baby Boy, but if you ever want to meet for lunch, I’d love that!

  10. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I’m so excited for you and your husband! Raising kids is a lot of fun. I’ve particularly enjoyed revisiting my favorite books from childhood with my kids and learning about new ones (like HOLES, which came out when I was a teenager and “too old” to read it!). I’m glad to hear that you’re jumping back into blogging. I’ve missed your posts!

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  13. Awwww a most joyful congratulations to you and your growing family!! Thanks for sharing these really intimate details with the internet. I don’t know much about pregnancy, but I am storing all the stories that I hear like this one in my brain for later. ;)

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